To Have Wings || Kovu & Open?

[Wargrace]

Spiderpaw
Barren wasteland, a short ways out of the makeshift camp.

Just like the world is ours,
We are who we are.

Bright sunlight, a mild breeze, fluffy white clouds dotting the blue sky. It was a gorgeous day, despite the ruins. A day that marked an optimistic future, in the opinion of the apprentice. Perched on a rock, she was as free as the birds overhead for the moment. She had made certain Eclipsefur had no duties for her before leaving the makeshift camp -- thank Starclan her mentor hadn't. It would've been dreadful to spend the brightest part of the day attending duties. She was sure she'd have some apprentice duty or another today.. just not at this moment. Taking a deep breath, the sleek apprentice skimmed the area. She could see the ruins of what was once the beloved home of the clans. Ruins. But they'd move on from those ruins, they'd find a new home soon enough. What would it be like..? She could only imagine how it felt for the older warriors and elders, who had spent their entire life in that land. But her life was short, still progressing.. adapting to a new home was no stuggle for her.

Even now the outgoing apprentice was optimistic and ready to move forward.

Another breath, and Spiderpaw let a purr ripple through her small form, multi-colored fur fluffing against the breeze. It was going to be a good day. A very good day. The shadow of a bird crossed over her; and the little cat found herself looking skyward again, watching the bird fly, free and careless. Did the birds feel the impact of the earthquake, too? Or were they untouched, living up in the clouds? They seemed untouched. She too, wouldn't let it scar her. Another glance across the deserty territory, and off to the ruins. A tragic sight; but not the end of all. For some, the end. But not for her. "I wonder what it's like to have wings~" Overhead, the bird fluttered, sweeping down to land on a branch -- and startling another from it's perch into the sky. Free.

[Kovu]

"I bet its the greatest feeling imaginable..." A low voice, deepened and rough with loss and pain scratched through the air as her Clanmate strolled unhurriedly towards her. A frown marred his face and his broken tail tip lolled loosely...marking the tomcat to be Hawktide. A deep sigh escaped him before he looked up and presented a soft half-smile to the she-cat of his Clan, "Greetings Spiderpaw...A nice moment to watch the skies, yes?" he wondered mildly, his stiff shoulders beginning to instinctively loosen.

He was hardly ever around this she-cat, even before the fall, but every time he found himself near her petite but brave form; he felt energy well into him...from her? Perhaps. She was, after all, quite optimistic. Ah Spiderpaw. He had longed to have her as an apprentice, but why? He didn't know her very well, but she seemed to be a very mild-mannered and respectful she-cat, he'd heard from his little sisters who were a great deal much more outgoing than he.

But he couldn't help that. Ever since the loss of his other half: Gingervoice, he had become merely a shell of his former self. He had withdrawn. Untouchable. Unhealable.

With a few exceptions; his sisters who could squeeze a smile out of him and this little one, who intrigued him so. He wanted to truly meet the famous Spiderpaw.

[Wargrace]

Words. The apprentice perked, head turning to focus on the source. A warrior. Hawktide, she was pretty certain -- a fellow Marshclanner. She really didn't know the warrior; but she'd seen him in the camp more than once before the 'quake. A brief glance to the bird; vanishing off into the distance. "Ashame cats don't have wings, isn't it?" Focus back on the warrior, she curled her fluffy tail over her paws, head tilting at the greeting. "Yes, a very nice moment indeed~!" Perky words, friendly as ever. "Good morning, Hawktide~!" Oh Starclan -- hopefully she wasn't mixing up his name with someone else's! That'd be embarassing and rude. But.. she did feel confident that was the warrior's name. He was a distinctive cat; not too easy to mix up with another.

He seemed damaged. Not necessarily physically -- but inside, too. Struck by loss. Who had he lost in the earthquake? Someone, undoubtedly, important to him. The young Marshclanner didn't know her clanmates all that well. Prior to the 'quake her focus had been on play. Playfighting, play-hunting, inventing games. She really was rather energetic -- the just, luckily, knew when to contain the energy. No one cared to deal with someone who didn't know when to calm down, afterall. "How're you today~? Doing well, I hope?" Head tilted, ears perked, she focused on the warrior for the moment. Examining him, trying to pick up on what was going on in him. He was mourning, yes.. but was he trying to move forward? No good would come of dwelling in his loss. Mourning was fine; but there was a point where mourning would need to end and hope would have to come back. It might not've been yet, though -- but would he strive to move forward in the future, or stay in mourning?

"It shouldn't be long, now, before we start searching for a new territory, should it..? It'll be good for everyone to start moving. Away from the loss and the ruin. Dwelling won't do any good."

[Kovu]

Hawktide's green eyes blinked once with surprise at her first words and a sort of quiet hush of awe rolled through him. She was indeed different. He took in a deep breath and strove to take on her happy tone as well. Relieved she had his name right...he didn't think any cat truly knew him besides the cats he truly knew; his family. Relieved was he knowing that she indeed at least knew his name. But that would soon be changed. His eyes somewhat softened and he looked grim at her, happiness forgotten when she asked about him, "Well enough, considering the circumstances." he grunted lowly, looking up at the skies once more.

Well, what did she know about it? She needn't know and become depressed as he over something that had nothing to do with her. He didn't want to bring her happy outlook on life down in his ditch. No, he wasn't cruel. But he realized she knew something was up with him, perseptive little cat.

Hawktide's eyes shot up to meet hers, a might bit hasty, and he flattened his remaining ear as he took in her knowledge. "Indeed. It is in every cat's best interest to continue to plough through even the deepest mud, no matter how bleak the outcome appears..." he rumbled softly, knowing exactly that they were no longer talking about the Clans. His green eyes flashed with a new light as he took her form upon the stone in.

One corner of his maw upturned with interest. What an apprentice he was sure she was making.

[Wargrace]

The change -- it was clear as soon as she asked how he was. He seemed alright at first. Perhaps not happy, but not entirely down.. and then it switched. To something darker. Lacking happiness, lost in whatever sufferings he was facing in the hard times, no doubt. She really shouldn't have asked that -- most weren't well in these times. They were clinging to loved ones to keep them strong. But what of the ones who had lost their loved ones? She had lost her family -- both parents and three siblings. It was sheer luck she hadn't been with any of them during the earthquake. No, she'd been off on her own.. adventuring as any new apprentice probably wasn't supposed to. But it had saved her life, hadn't it? Something that normally cost apprentices who didn't have much knowledge their lives had saved hers. Wandering off. Heh.

Who had he lost? She searched her memory a moment, trying to find who she had most often seen him with who wasn't seen now -- but there were so many cats. So many who had been, who weren't now. "Who did you loose, Hawktide? It's not my place to ask that, I know. But if it's any condolence, I lost my parents and siblings." She should've been mourning, shouldn't she? Yes; more than she had. But.. mourning wouldn't fix it. It would hold back progress. She didn't want to spend her life thinking about what she'd lost. Surely it wasn't the end. There was more to be found in life. Optimism and hope told her so. The earthquake was just Starclan's way of telling them it was time to move forward, wasn't it? Telling all of them. All four clans. Telling them to move forward, perhaps either telling them it would be necessary to depend on both clanmates and 'enemies' alike? She couldn't be sure, but that's what she felt.

Blinking at the warrior from her spot on the rock, Spiderpaw watched for a reaction. Oh, hopefully she wouldn't cause him more depression in asking that. "Perhaps the 'quake happened.. because it was time for the clans to move forward and find a new start in life? Leave behind the struggles of the past and find a new hope~? Even if we had to face a lot of loss to do so.."

[Kovu]

Hawktide flinched violently as if she had struck him across the face with her claws when she asked him who he'd lost. Who exactly had he lost? He lost everything. No. Scratch that, he had his family but he darkly thought they paled in comparison to the one he had lost. She was his everything. His light in the darkness. His laugh in the silence. His humanity in the bleakness...All that had been lost along with his heart. It ha been wrenched out of his chest like the crushing blow of the eagle many seasons past; when he was merely a kit. His scars upon his ribs stung fiercely at the memory and he couldn't help twisting to look at them slightly, the reminder raw in his mind. Her...raw in his mind.

A choking knot squeezed and contracted within his throat and everything blurred around him as he pictured her feisty spirit grinning up at him. The memories of the discovery of their secret tunnels where they played together, hoped together, and dreamed together as apprentices. He gasped as if he was suckerpunched by a badger as the memories flooded forth at the apprentice's question caught him and trapped him in a spider web. Hawktide struggled to shove them away and howled suddenly, "NO!" and whirled around, claws wrenching deep into the earth and he hunched over; his breathing deep and quick, his flanks heaving as he squeezed his eyes shut. Repressing the memories.

Something wet and hot touched his cheek but he paid it no mind as he struggled to return to the surface of the present, Spiderpaw couldn't see..."I lost...my Voice..." was all he could manage in his strangled croak of speech. Automatically, he began to tear at the earth, digging still as he had when he had been searching all alone for his Gingervoice. Digging. Have to save her! She's still alive! She promised. She's here with me, I just have to find her...His broad shoulders flexed as he dug harder and harder into the dry, hot ground.

Fruitlessly. He was back in the shadow lands of nothing. Aloneness. Digging. Searching for her once more. He could see nothing but earth and the tentative promise of seeing her again. The odd, hot, wetness rose in abundance upon his cheeks but his mind was strangleholded by her.

[Wargrace]

She shouldn't have asked that.

She really shouldn't have asked that.

The abrupt change made her chest tighten. He went from the painfilled, but controlled state.. to distraught. Torn by grief. He was a warrior. A large, strong warrior. But the grief turned him into something smaller and weaker. A warrior shattering into a million shards. Like when an icicle felt from high and broke apart. Would he melt apart like the shattered icicles? With time, he would, if he let the sorrow keep it's hold on him. He had to have time to mourn, though. It was unnatural to get over loss so far. The earthquake hadn't been all that long ago. He shouldn't be over the mourning yet. But.. trying to move forward, atleast. If only a little. Still, quiet, the dainty she-cat lowered herself on the rock, fluffy tail wrapping around her body, ears falling back. Watching quietly. Should she speak? No, not yet. She'd give him a moment. Time to release some of the sorrow, the upset, the stress -- but not too long. What if he hurt himself in his distress?

Yowling, tears, digging.

Spiderpaw didn't move for a moment, light blue eyes wide in observation. He was searching, searching. Searching for something he wouldn't find. Digging in the wasteland's ground, where his lost companion would not be found. Even in the ruin.. it would be too late to find his lost companion. The search parties had torn through the ruins over and over. Survivors had been brought back by now. The apprentice shut her eyes tightly for a moment. No, it wasn't right. There had been so many lost. Young, old, good, bad.. so many. A moment, and then she moved. Standing, pushing off the rock and landing on the ground infront of it. "Hawktide, shh.. it's alright, it will be. Maybe not yet, but it will be." Moving forward -- with a bit of caution, least he get angry -- she stretched to try to bump her head against his shoulder. "C'mon, Hawktide.. you're in the wasteland, not the ruin.. you're gonna hurt yourself digging, and it won't help anything.."

Could he hear her, wherever his mind was..? Hopefully. Spiderpaw moved to sit next to the warrior, leaning to lick his shoulder. "Snap out of it, Hawktide, please? I'm sorry I asked that. I shouldn't have." A slight sigh. Really, she had screwed up there, hadn't she? Trying to help -- she might've needed a bit of practice at it. Or a lot. Asking who had been lost.. bad idea when someone's mourning the loss, apparently. Yep, she'd keep that in mind next time. "I'm sorry, Hawktide. For asking that, and for your loss.."

[Kovu]

He didn't hear her. All was chaotic within the depths of his mind; all was noise. Nonsense. He dug more frantically, his mind imagining him within the depths of the earthquake, back when he had seen the ground abruptly open up and suck Gingervoice down into the bowels of the earth. Darkness. He shuddered, panting, "It's dark...It's too dark! She can't breathe in there! I have to get her out, I have to...!" he became even more chaotic with his digging...

Until he felt a touch. A light touch. It slugged him and made him gasp aloud. His shoulder twitched violently as if she had bit him instead of merely head bumped him softly. The softness of the touch made him realize that something was not altogether right...either with the world around him, the darkness, or his own self. He licked his dry lips and blinked his eyes open and closed slowly once.

No. She was still trapped...wasn't she? ...Or was he? Within the confines of his own mind...? He shuddered, taking a deep spasmic breath as a shadow overcame him. Hers. Wait, wasn't he just in the wasteland speaking with...Spiderpaw? He paused in his digging, a fraction of a second, so confused was he. He tried to look at the cause of the shadow, his head slowly being moved and tilted in one angle.

Bright scarlet caught his eye and froze him fully. He swallowed hard and raised a paw, claws still extended. They dropped blood and were not all together the same length. Some were violently torn from his paws and others were split in half. He sucked in a marveled breath, forest green eyes wide and fur standing on end. This was her pain. His voice. He stiffened once more and plunged the paw down deep, about to resume digging, a wild light of determination in his fierce eyes.

Then...the present whirled about him. A lick. He truly felt that. Soft murmurs urging him back. His mind swirled violently, struggling to figure everything out. "My fault...Truly...my fault..." with a great effort, his head swayed towards her and sought out her face. A face of the living. His voice laced with pain as he croaked and a final warm wet and salty thing streamed down his neck. His brow was furrowed with confusion as he gazed at her. One didn't know if he meant it was his fault over Gingervoice's death or his fault he brought up the question...

[Wargrace]

The apprentice recoiled a bit at the harsh twitch, least he lash out at her. He was locked in the memories -- what if she startled him from it and he didn't remember where he was? She didn't care to get attacked for such. So, caution it was. Luckily, he made no attack. So, she was still for a moment, observing. He didn't stop entirely, but for a moment.. he did. Only a moment. And then.. it was gone. He was back to the digging, the dark memories. Spiderpaw was still, debating quietly. What to do..? Try to stir him again? She caught glance at his claws. Torn, broken, bloodied. It rose a wave of distress in her. He was hurting himself. That wasn't good.

What was he seeing? The earthquake, or something else? Presumably, the 'quake or the aftermath. Trying to dig out his lost companion. But that would do him no good here. Hurting himself would do him no good, either. He came out of it -- hopefully entirely. Would he slip back into the state of horrible distress and searching? "Nothing's your fault, Hawktide. The earthquake wasn't anything any of us could've stopped; not the strongest leader or littlest kit, you know. You know it in your heart, don't you? Nothing anyone did could've stopped it or saved the ones lost. It happened too fast. There wasn't time.." Trying to give the warrior another reassuring shoulder-lick, the apprentice glanced to his paws, then face. Oh, what loss could do to even the strongest warriors. Shattering, shattering. A million little pieces of a strong warrior.

"Hold your head high, Hawktide. Do you think.. your voice.. would've wanted you to tear yourself apart with sorrow? No true friend, family, or love would.. mourn, but don't be ripped apart. No one wants to see those they care for shattered by grief.." Another glance to the claws. "Let me go try to find some cobwebs, alright..?" A moment for response.. and then the little she-cat would stand and retreat off towards some sparse plantlife in search of cobwebs. Was there any to be found? Not much, not much at all. There really wasn't much of anything out here, was there? Nontheless, the apprentice searched, gathering the bits she found, and moving back to where the warrior was. He hadn't went back into his upset state, had he..? Hopefully not. "Here, put this on your claws.. there isn't much of it, unfortunately." She cast a look of disapproval at the cobwebs. The clans needed to move soon.. there weren't many supplies to be found around here. Not enough for the number of cats.

Offering the cobwebs to the warrior, the apprentice sat again, blinking. Was he better now..? At all? Hopefully. She really didn't know what to do if he went back to the breakdown. It was an unfamiliar, unnerving situation. One she really didn't know how to handle.

[Kovu]

His eyes locked on hers, the present. Stay with him. No...Not truly his fault...A tiny voice of reason bubbled up and surfaced inside him and he watched her carefully, listening and straining. Please...help him. Help him through this. A deep bodied shudder rolled through him as he struggled to nod, no matter how long it took. The sway dizzied him and he grunted in surprise, but the noise sounded very far away. The tom felt odd.

He blinked, looking down at his shoulder where she gently licked him, timidly and he continued to watch her. She was his anchor, he realized, and he gripped the knowledge like a dog to his bone. Hawktide swallowed hard. Her low, soft murmur was right. She echoed deep within him and he dared not even blink for fear the darkness would consume him once more and steer him wrong. "No...please...Wont be..." he looked confused and gave his head a tiny shake.

"Wont lose." a hard edge came to his voice when she padded swiftly away but he was unable to move as he watched her, pleading silently for her to stay. He swallowed dryly, painfully, only just realizing that his claws were truly well torn up because of himself. When she gave him the webs...he stared at them and set his jaw stubbornly, "A monster." he claimed himself and knew he should've looked away, the shame washing over him and burning his pelt which had only just begun to lay down.

But he couldnt look away...only down at her paws which were clean as he wished his could be. He was still immobile and took a shuddering sigh, his eyes glittering as the cloud of darkness departed at last. What had just truly happened?

[Wargrace]

He was out of it for now. That was good. She just had to make sure.. he didn't slip back into that bad state. She heard the words as she retreated off to get the cobwebs -- and thus, hurried back as soon as she had gathered enough. But the cobwebs were refused when offered. Instead.. he said 'a monster'. Was he calling himself a monster? Or what had happened? Setting the cobwebs down to clear her mouth, the apprentice mewed in response. "Monsters are cats who massacre their clanmates out of greed or ambition." A glance to the bloodied paws. "If you won't fix them, I suppose I'll have to than, eh? If any of your toes fall off from it, I'm not liable, though. I'm not a meddie, afterall." It was a joke, of course. Atleast the latter was.

The apprentice dropped to a crouch, picking up the cobwebs again and leaning to try setting them over the torn-up claws, using a white paw to press on them a bit. Trying to stop the bleeding.. without hurting them anymore than they already were. She'd torn a claw as a kit, playing a bit too much. It hurt. How did ripping and breaking all of them feel..? Undoubtedly painful. So, best not press too hard. That'd probably hurt worse. A glance up at the warrior, trying to read his expression. "It really would be nice to have wings, wouldn't it?" Fly away from all the troubles. All the pain. Hawktide. He was even named after a bird. A powerful bird. "Hawks are strong fliers. I bet nothing can keep them down." She wasn't talking about hawks, of course, so much as trying to encourage him.

Did the warrior let her press the cobwebs onto his claws? If so, she'd pat them lightly with a paw for a moment, then move them a bit to peak and see if it was helping any. Hopefully it was.. but if not, she'd press a bit more to try to end the bleeding.

[Kovu]

Hawktide twitched and sucked in a pained breath as he braced himself. He winced as she defined monster and was relieved he hadn't done that...also relieving was the fact that he could absorb the present now and make sense of it all without the all-consuming darkness threatening beyond his eyelids. She distracted him with her talk and swallowed hard, murmuring before she set herself upon the task, "Can't move my paws." he winced again as he admitted it and then froze.

The pain was explosive. He hardly heard her joke if at all but he didn't think it was funny in the situation at present. His hiss of surprise, shock, and pain seemed to be yanked from his throat and he growled lowly...accidentally and unintentionally closing his eyes. Big mistake. Gut-wrenching oblivion of darkness flooded throughout him once more. Suffocation, desperate digging, dying...He gasped in a deep breath and everything became clear once more as he opened his first green eyes and locked them to his anchor: Spiderpaw. 

He addressed the she-cat through his pain, "Thank you, Spiderpaw...for everything..." his flanks shuddering as he suppressed displaying anymore of his pain, unwilling to shame himself any longer. His spirits soared once more as she enlightened the hawk bit about him and a courageous little purr lifted through him. Hawktide's broad muscular shoulders squared as if already attempting to get his wind back and pride billowing upon his sails; helping him to soar high in the sky. Licking his lips, he smiled softly at her knowing she was right: Nothing could overcome him. Well, for long anyways. Thank StarClan and thanks to Spiderpaw. 

[Wargrace]

Pain. She could sense it; the pain that resulted from her trying to fix his paws. Hissing and growling from it. But.. they had to be stopped, or they'd just bleed and bleed. How much blood could be lost through torn and broken claws? Not a life threatening amount, as far as she knew. Well, hopefully not. But she had little knowledge of injuries and such. So.. she'd assume the torn claws a health risk and attend them as such, even if it hurt. She was trying not to make it painful, really she was. She was no sadistic. Causing someone else pain? Not very amusing to her. Not at all, actually. "I'm sorry, Hawktide. But I have to stop the bleeding.." A little more patting, and she decided it was good enough. The nails would stop bleeding if the cobweb stayed over them to help. She didn't need to keep adding pressure. They'd hurt less if she stopped, hopefully. So, the little cat removed her paw, lingering in the crouch to examine the cobwebs. Were they getting soaked-through..? Hopefully not... she wasn't so sure she couldn't find anymore nearby.

Then, Spiderpaw shifted her focus, to the warrior. For a moment, he seemed to be slipping back into the state -- but then he was back. Thank Starclan. In fact, after the hawk comment.. he seemed to perk. This lifted her own spirits a bit. She felt bad for causing him the prior distress with her.. not-so-smooth question. Rising back to her paws, the petite apprentice sat, head tilting -- and beaming a bit at the thanks. Had she helped the warrior a bit? Hopefully! "You're welcome~! But I don't think I've done very much. Just told you what you already know, you just seem to have forgotten!" Another brief glance to the paws. That hadn't been very helpful. He'd injured himself because of her question. Wasn't that the opposite of helping..? Yes. But she wouldn't mention it.

Fluffy tail giving a swish, the multi-colored apprentice watched the warrior a moment more; then stood, retreating back to the rock with the biggest leap she could manage, landing with a slight claw-scramble. Up on the rock again, she peered skyward. Where had the bird gone? Far gone, now. "You should know what is like to have wings, you're a hawk, afterall." A teasing comment, blue stare back on the warrior. Heh, on the rock, she was taller than him! Not so much off it, though. He was a large warrior. "See, spiders don't have wings, unfortunately."

[Kovu]

Taking a clear deep breath to rid himself completely of the previous poison, Hawktide noted her words. Merely what had been forgotten...yes, he quite liked that. Taking note of her sparkling beam, he blinked in surprise, his smile melting into a round 'o' of shock. Wow. Blinking repeatedly, he gave a small shake of his head to reply, dazzled by her pure smile he'd never been able to conjure except with Gingervoice, he didn't catch her words hardly. "Oh, er, actually you've done quite a lot. Which is why I thank you. Do not fret, it was not your fault in the slightest, Spiderpaw." he nodded encouragingly soft at her.

Hawktide's paws shifted under her scrutiny. They were bound but at least they no longer hurt as much. He licked dry lips and flushed under her words about hawks. He only wished he were as great as his namesake.

But then, an idea...Hawktide looked up at her now taller form and smirked. "You think spiders cannot fly...?" an invisible eyebrow rose curiously and he slowly tested his limbs by rising to his full height, "Why don't you come with me?" his tail lashed, suddenly bright with an idea. He turned, his head still trained upon her, one paw raised and poised to walk off. Waiting for her.

[Wargrace]

Suddenly shocked expression? The apprentice noted it with a blink -- but didn't question. Well, not aloud, atleast. But.. why did he look so shocked? She hadn't done anything particularly.. well.. shocking. Not her fault. She gave a short head-bob at this. Not her fault. She'd listen to him; even if she did feel.. it probably wouldn't of occured if she hadn't asked. No sense dwelling. What happened had happened and now it was over with. "Glad to have helped you~!" A perky reply, muzzle forming a feline-smile. Perhaps today Hawktide was taking his first pawsteps towards recovery from his loss! It would be good to see a clanmate moving forward, recovering from their pain. Even if it was only a kit-step of progress. For a moment, the apprentice debated this. Then focused back on the warrior.

He was talking -- about spiders being able to fly? A moment, the apprentice was still, debating -- then on her paws, bouncing off the rock easily. "If you can show me a flying spider, I'll catch you freshkill for a moon!" Another teasing comment, and the apprentice was off, hurrying to where the warrior was, and waiting for him to start off wherever. Where were they going? She didn't ask. Why ask questions? Usually the answers either didn't come or didn't make much sense! She found it better to just go along and see what happened. ..Of course, she didn't just.. run blindly into potential danger or anything. She wasn't mousebrained. Just.. energetic. Was Hawktide starting off..? If not, Spiderpaw would bolt off, ahead, turn, and loop back quickly, skittering to a stop near him, head tilted in a 'where to?' sort of manner. Ah, how fun! It was only the second time since the 'quake she had a chance to interract with another cat without it being work-related. The other time had been playing with Camopaw in the stream. Heh. Camopaw really wasn't that skilled at playing. The games had confused him. Ah well! He'd learn. Because.. who didn't love playfighting and puddles?